Baguette Gazette: Hello from heartbreak hotel
A personal update + what's keeping me going
Welcome to the latest Baguette Gazette! If you’re new here, this is a monthly catchup where I share personal updates, recommendations, and what’s going on behind the recipes at TNB HQ.
Hello friends,
This month’s Gazette is a bit unlike the others because I need to share a personal update. If you’ve been in this community for a while, you know I don’t typically share a ton about my non-work life, but I’ve decided to be transparent because I anticipate this shift affecting all parts of my life - including TNB - for the foreseeable future. And frankly, it just feels impossible for me not to talk about.
A bit under a month ago, my marriage to my partner of 14 years ended in a spectacularly shocking fashion. Our relationship had its ups and downs like any other, but never in my wildest imagination could I have foreseen things ending in this particular way, and with us no longer on speaking terms.
I’ve been with this person since I was 21, which amounts to my entire adult life so far. The first few days of the rupture, I was in absolute shock and disbelief about the details that had come to light, and whatever moving through the world I was able to handle felt like an out-of-body experience. Every morning when I woke up, I found I needed to remind myself what happened and review the bullet points of my new reality because it was a struggle to believe it wasn’t all a drawn out nightmare.
Thankfully, I am able to stay in my beloved apartment, and I have the most amazing support system. I’ve been getting round-the-clock check-ins from the kindest, most present friends anyone could ask for (I’m very lucky in this department), in the form of constant calls, “thinking of you” texts, meals, gift cards, and just holding space for me to yell and cry. Ironically, I have never felt more loved, and it’s what gives me strength to get out of bed every morning.
To make matters worse, my ex and I had a family trip to Italy planned with my parents and his mom, literally for the week following the break-up. I considered rescheduling but everyone in my life kept insisting how welcome the distraction would be. Plus, I didn’t want to cancel on my parents on their first trip to Italy. We ended up going just the three of us and turns out, everyone was right: the distraction distracted.
Understandably, I was deflated throughout much of it, but the sights, smells, tastes, and sunshine did bring me back to life a bit; there are certainly worse ways to grieve than being in Europe with two people who love you, being surrounded by beautiful things, and falling asleep with a belly full of red wine and pasta every night.
Speaking of, one of the most challenging things has been my loss of appetite, which explains May’s lack of new recipes. At first, I was literally nauseous 24/7, and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to eat on the trip. Thankfully, my appetite has returned now for the most part.
I came back late last week and it was a rough day. As the distraction ended, it dawned on me that my new life was officially beginning. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through and I know there are plenty of dark days ahead. At the same time, I’m proud of the strength I’ve found within. I’ve learned it’s possible to be destroyed and still be able to gently put one foot in front of the other.
I’m slowly getting back to the kitchen so new recipes are coming soon. In terms of Gazette recs, below are three excellent options to queue up on your watchlist.
I’ve closed the comments here but my inbox is always open ❤️
As a longtime fan of SNL, I was skeptical about the debut of the UK version (available on Peacock). Turns out, it’s seriously good. I don’t always grasp all the political material in the cold opens, but the sketches - like this one - are excellent and the cast is top notch. I need to get my laughs wherever I can these days, so it’s been nice to double my SNL consumption.
If you enjoy “The White Lotus”, you’re going to love season 2 of “Beef” (with a brand new plot and cast, so you don’t need to have seen season 1). The dark comedy/drama explores themes of socioeconomic class, entitlement, and the downfalls of late-stage capitalism.
Bookmark After the Hunt, the latest from Call Me By Your Name director Luca Guadagnino, for the next time you’re ready to settle in for an excellent drama. The movie follows an Ivy League philosophy professor (Julia Roberts) as she gets caught in a “he said, she said” situation involving a student (Ayo Edibiri) and junior professor (Andrew Garfield) that calls into question our preconceived notions about who to point the finger at. I’m shocked it got zero attention at the Oscars.
This Substack is the newsletter companion to my site, thenewbaguette.com. You can find all my recipes published there in full, with helpful tips and step-by-step photos. You can also follow along on Instagram, where I share videos and behind-the-scenes content.